I have been working through a math textbook.
I am actually beginning to enjoy it.
I will even choose to do some math when I have free time!
Something about doing math is (almost) calming now.
It was a source of grief and anxiety when I was young, the fodder for nightmares even after finishing college.
There I was back in Mrs. White's class and I hadn't done my homework or I wasn't ready for the test...
I used to think I wasn't good at math.
Now I begin to see that it was less about me.
I didn't have the space and time I needed to pursue it.
The television was always on.
The kitchen table was always cluttered.
I didn't have the reason to.
I was only doing it to pass, to get on to the next class so I could pass it, too.
A lot of things were like that.
There was a lot of doing, but always missing the point.
There was learning without understanding.
I never considered doing math for its own sake.
Now I really just want to know.
I still make mistakes and I still come across things I don't understand, but these situations aren't frightening like they were where in school.
I think this is because now I know that I have all the time in the world, even into eternity, to understand what I don't understand yet.
So I am just enjoying the pursuit of understanding.
That's the thing about honestly believing that you are going to live forever.
The promise works on you in ways you never imagined it would.
For God so loved the world...
It changes the way you think, the way you live, the way you use your time.
that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes...
That belief in eternity makes you brave enough to start things you may never finish in this life.
So why not begin to learn math?
Why not begin to learn anything?
You have forever to figure it out.
And nothing you gain will be lost to the grave.
will not perish...
I am not afraid now to begin searching for the hidden joys in difficult and mundane tasks.
I'm not afraid to forego fleeting pleasures.
I have infinite time to feel joy, infinite time to pursue worthwhile things.
...but have everlasting life.
So here I go, slowly, slowly...
learning math and doing every other good thing into infinity.