While shopping at Target, Dwayne said something that made me mad, real mad. I said, "Let's go!" and just like, we were headed for the checkout at lightning speed. When Norah asked, "Why are we going so fast?!" I told her, "We're trying to outrun the fight."

...It didn't work.

Man's anger does not bring about the righteous action
that God desires.

James 1:20

Norah's new favorite thing to draw.

Look, Mom! No chins!

Just one chin. Singular.

No. Really, it has more to do with camera angle than anything else. But, I am loosing weight. I think. It's happening so slowly, I don't feel that surely about it at times.

I've been going to the trainer twice a week for months now. I've got four fitness classes on the schedule at work and I try to do at least three other cardio workouts during the week. I am eating better. My diet isn't perfect. I don't think it's ever going to be green enough and I still fall for french fries every so often, but its better than it was... So, I figure, it's about time I stop hating my photograph altogether.

Earlier this week, I was actually bent over in the isle at the store picking something out. Dwayne almost walked right by me. He didn't recognize me. When he realized it was me, he laughed so hard and said with visible relief that he had actually had a really hard time not checking me out as he was going by. He does this "eye bounce" thing when he finds it hard not to notice a woman who props her parts up for all to see. (I guess I need to bend at the knees more often myself.) But, I didn't know whether to be mad at him or to kiss him for saying what he did! After a lot of thought, however, I think I find it pretty romantic that if I were a stranger to him today, he'd still find me physically attractive, almost uncontrollably so. Growl!

And, I got my wedding ring off for the first time in years, literally, years. I promised myself that if it ever did come off again, I wouldn't put it back on until it was re-sized. So, off to a reputable jeweler I go, as soon as my poor, fatter-than-it-used-to-be finger is able to stretch out as far as it needs to to look normal again.

So, the scale is moving in the downward direction for now. The only trouble I can see is that I think we want to have another baby and soon! There is some hesitation for me, I have to admit. There is some small, selfish part of me that wants to withhold myself and save my body the trouble a new baby brings. But, ultimately, we're talking about a dress size or a child. I figure I'll have enough time to slim up when the kids are grown up, God willing.

I read somewhere that "life that mares the body makes the soul." And, when I think about the stretch marks on my belly from carrying my babies, I think it's true. Their lives have literally marred my body, but they have also made my soul. I also think to myself that there is "a time for every purpose under heaven." And, this portion of my life is meant for bearing children (and conversely, for me, meant for gaining weight and trying all over again to loose it). But, I say, "God, give me children!" I can bear the weight (and pain and suffering and...) they bring my body for the blessings they bring my spirit. Children are a reward!

I have some reservation about sharing this, since it is of a private nature. So, if you are under the age of eighteen, I'd simply ask that you have enough respect for my wishes and stop reading now. Come back to my blog on another day.

I will not to go into the kind of details that will make the rest of you embarrassed or the kind that will embarrass me, for that matter. But, I wanted to mention that I did this. I started on the fourteenth of this month and gave Dwayne a "gift" every day until Christmas. I asked Dwayne if I could share this on my blog. He chuckled and said, "Sure! I want the whole world to know!" ...Typical.

Dwayne said this came at an important time in his career, when he was moving into a new position at work. He had meetings, important ones almost everyday leading up to the holiday. They were the kind of meetings that required neck ties, where he was faced with questions and had to give presentations that required the perfect words said at just the right time with just the right tone. He said it was the kind of week that would define the atmosphere at his workplace for years to come.

And, Dwayne would be the first to tell you that it wasn't like he was suffering from a lack of anything in this regard. So, that's not what made the twelve days an obvious choice for me, but...

I had been noticing Dwayne was burdened by an unseen weight for some time. His shoulders seemed to get lower and lower in the weeks passing. And, in turn, I was more stressed and worried seeing him more stressed and worried. I was praying for some way to lift the burden. I would try and coax him into talking about work, so I could encourage him or I'd cook really nice meals. I even tried to give him free time at the end of a long day, keeping the kids away from him at times when I really needed a break, but still, nothing seemed to be working. He was just sinking further under the weight of this new position and it's overwhelming responsibilities.

My feelings about all this were varied and swung all over the place. I went from pity for him for having to carry so much pressure, to worry that he'd crack, to pride over his new success, to frustration that no matter how much I did, I couldn't seem to bring him out of from under his dark cloud, to anger because he was so distracted and unable to relax or invest in his family once he was home with us.

But, as the twelve days started, Dwayne said he went to work every day as if it were just a regular day. And, as I watched him go, I could tell that whatever unseen weight he was carrying was gone, as if it had dissipated right into thin air. I looked for it again in the evenings as he came home, figuring that his burden would be back having just returned from such a stressful day at work, but to my surprise, the burden wasn't there and it never came back. As I say this now, I realize how funny it sounds in context, but it was as if Dwayne was floating on a cloud the whole week!

At the beginning of the month, I thought this was just my idea, just another way I was trying all I could think of to bless him. But, in hindsight, and seeing how God used it to accomplish the ministry I was seeking for a way to accomplish in my his life, I am sure beyond all doubt that it was God who lead me to do this. I think God's love for my husband must have compelled Him to give me the extra grace I needed to even consider doing this, let alone pull it off. And, I realize now, the week could have been terrible and sleepless and stressful for me, too! But, seeing how well Dwayne managed under it all, I was then able to mange well, too.

And, if I have any gift of interpreting what it is that God's Holy Spirit says to me, I feel like He wants us to know that we dodged a ton of bullets this week. I shudder a little to think how things might have gone if I wasn't obedient, if my spirit had been different towards my husband, if I hadn't have done this.

His word says God has wisdom stored up for those who ask for it. And, I feel like He threw this down into my path so that I would stumble over it and when I got up to see what it was that knocked me over I'd think, "Oh. Huh. This might work." ...Well, it did!

I wasn't one to diminish the role a wife has in her husband's life. And, I was never one to say that sex wasn't really important. But, that said, until now, I had no idea how much the two combined and multiplied by twelve had the power to revolutionize a man's spirit.

My little Indian informed me she wants to be a "horse rider" when she grows up.

I don't know much about training horses. I have no real, practical experience. I only know what I've seen in the movies and read in the books. But, I've seen a lot of movies and read a lot of books ;) and from what I can gather, there are two ways to train a horse and there is an age-old debate about which way is better.

You can just break a horse in such a way that it submits without question. You can make the animal forget it's natural strength, weaken it's spirit, dull it's wit so much so that it will never be a threat to any rider, young or old, that straddles it's back. This horse will be very useful. It'll carry passengers to and fro and serve well enough and no one will ever, ever question how it was trained, since, in essence, it is no longer even capable of being dangerous.

But, there's another way. It's not attempted that often and most people say that is because it's impractical... or even impossible. But, if you ask others, the brave few, they will quietly explain that most people only say that because they don't have enough grace, patience, persistence, foresight or shall we say... faith to do it the right way.

There is supposed to be a way to take all that pure muscle, pure will, and pure wit and bend it just enough to make it compliant just enough so that it will be useful just enough. And, if you train a horse this way, when you need its strength or when you have to depend on its wit, it will still have its God-given spirit and it will be able to serve you better because it will, in essence, choose to serve you. When you really need it to, a horse like this is supposed to be able to run and think and even care and therefore, take its rider faster and farther and safer than other horses will. People who have seen a horse like this say it is a sight to see, a noble, awe-inspiring, breathtaking sight.

I've often thought that raising children must be a lot like training horses. ;)

We went to one of the Christmas Eve services at church yesterday.
When we got home, Norah posed with her gift in front of the tree.

Opening her Christmas pajamas...

She exclaimed, "They're pink!" with pure joy. Then she realized, "These are the ones I wanted!"

The night gown isn't Christmas colored or themed, which bothers me greatly and I personally think that it is tacky, but Norah won't ever know that (until she is old enough to read this blog and find out for herself).

She came across this gown several weeks ago when we were browsing through pajamas in a store and said, "Is this a night gown?!" She thought it had to be a princess dress misplaced in the racks. I thought that was really sweet. She also told me that if she had it, she would use it for "dress up." She didn't beg for it, because we don't allow that, but I saw the look in her eyes and I knew she really wanted it, so I went back a few days later when she wasn't with me and got it.

Avril wearing her new pajamas, too. They say, "Baby's First Christmas."

We did our Advent Book again this year, like last year.

I finished Norah's stocking! And after she went to bed, we filled it with the little gifts we got her. I didn't get to mine, Dwayne or Avril's stockings yet, but none of us have any stocking-stuffers this year anyway... Oh well. There's always next year!

We made sugar cookies again this year. So far, we've kept it simple, with a basic star design, basic white icing and sugar sprinkles here and there. The cookies taste just as good without the colors, you know.

But, I have a few zip lock sandwich bags of dough left in the fridge, so we may yet get creative and add some shapes and colors, like last year.