Friday, September 16, 2011
I just came through a period of two weeks when I couldn't worship. I don't think I've ever gone that long without spending time in God's presence, at least not since I became a believer. I think it must be what people are talking about when they speak of a spiritual desert.
It's more than I can explain here, but I was wrestling with God over something that happened several months ago. Until two weeks ago, I hadn't really struggled to believe that God was leading me and that He would work everything out. But, after so many months of praying and waiting, praying and waiting, praying and waiting, I had to confront my questions, doubts and hard feelings over the situation.
I couldn't worship, but I kept praying and I spent hours and hours, night after night, complaining to my husband who very faithfully, patiently listened and reminded me over and over again that "...the testing of your faith develops perseverance. And perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I knew he was right. My faith was being tested and I kept looking for it to surface again.
Perhaps for my poor, weary husband's sake, God's Spirit broke through my hard heart with the help of the songs and Bible verses below and I have been able to worship again though it's always through tears because I am still waiting for God to fix what provoked the questions and hard feelings in the first place.
I am sober about the fact that He may never fix it, but I plan to sing none the less. I do not worship God because of what He does for me anyway. I worship him because He is God and I am not and therefore, I have no choice but worship and pray and wait for whatever He is going to do.
"Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I am going to argue my case with him." Job 13:15
God, I Look to You
I Will Exalt
"Have mercy on me, O God! Have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me. He will send help from heaven to rescue me, disgracing those who hound me." Psalm 57
"You are my strength; I will wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. In his unfailing love, my God will stand with me." Psalm 59